Road Warriors Revolt!
Recently my Facebook Status read: Tiffany is on plane to San Juan. I really hate when people push your seat from behind, so as a result, I will be reclining right after take-off!…
“Road Warriors Revolt!” responded my friend and colleague, Dave. (I don’t have to remind you that it’s “Dog Eat Dog” when traveling!)
With the amount of time I’m spending on airplanes these days, I thought I’d share my observations and suggestions to make your travel day (and mine!) a little smoother.
Airport Security: Please be prepared people! That means laptops out, passports out, belts off, shoes off, no more than 3 oz of liquids passing until you “get to the other side.” We’re all waiting behind you so stop pretending like you didn’t “realize” all of the above included your stuff too.
Boarding: When approaching your assigned seat, it’s important to establish “territory” right out of the gate. It’s going to be a long flight.
Example: I see my seatmate has already arrived with passport, coffee, ticket stub, earphones, ipod, Blackberry and $8 scone all spread out in the center arm rest divider with no room for me.
Enter Tiffany. I immediately move first 7 items with great exaggeration forward in order to put a bottle of water down with seemingly painstaking effort, usually eliciting a “Oh I’m sorry” move by your seatmate. Do it with the “territorial prowess” of a German Shepherd and “stake back your claim.” This includes overhead and under the seat space as well.
Lesson: Establish your space in the first few minutes, and you’re guaranteed to have a peaceful flight, little conversation required.
Etiquette: Please, when sitting in the bulk-head, do NOT take off your shoes and put your feet up on the carpeted petition wall. a.) I don’t really appreciate staring at your feet the entire flight. b.) Your legs are preventing me from getting to the bathroom and the claustrophobia is setting in. This is public space pal. You are not at home.
Carry-on Luggage: You and your bags are in seat 22A, not 2A, and wheels first. Your bag, above your seat. Not your bag above my seat, wherever we are all sitting. End of issue.
Cell Phones and Other Electronics: “Please turn off all electronic devices including cell phones.” Hey YOU! That’s means YOU! I know the likelihood of the plane going down due to your phone being left on is slim to none, but it’s that sense of entitlement that the “rules don’t apply to you” that drives me crazy.
Truth be told, the way I see it, you’re not exactly the guy I’m going to entrust making sure all passengers safely exit off the plane raft in case of emergency… if you know what I mean. Turn them off, please.
(By the way, you with the personal DVD player. You sort of irritate me, too. I’m sorry. I have no explanation why. Perhaps it’s your smugness as I’m forced to watch “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” for the 3rd time this month on the distorted overhead tv!)
Food: Yes, we all agree that paying for bad airplane food at $6-10 a pop for some trail mix, cardboard cookie and “cheez snax” is a bit outrageous, but this does not give you the right to bring a homemade tuna fish sandwich on board. The waft alone will cause anaphylaxis in passengers 15 seats behind you.
And YOU with the Cinnabon. Don’t even try to open it unless you’re planning to share.
Drinking: Ok, I know you want us all to think you paid full-fare for First Class (but we all know you were most likely upgraded like me) and free alcoholic drinks are included, but when your 8 AM Screwdriver ends up in MY lap, expect this K-9 to show some teeth.
Happy flying, and don’t forget to bring me home some “ooh-la-la” Prada sunglasses from Sunglass Hut or perhaps a fuschia pink $10 faux Pashmina from Hudson News or maybe even some fully-marked up Ysatis de Givenchy from Duty-Free! Now that I think about it…a Cinnabon sure does sound GOOD….
See you on the next flight!